Savor or Save-up?

I like to savor things. At least that's what I tell myself. In reality, I like to save things. I was the kid who would save the best Halloween candy for last to the point that it would go bad (or get stolen by my parents and brother). I'm the person, now, who spends an exorbitant amount of money on cheese and then doesn't eat it all before it gets moldy.

Why is this? Is it some trauma- (or perceived-trauma-) induced coping mechanism? Is it my personality? Am I saving up so that the last bite of Halloween candy I remember will be the best? Or is it that I can't imagine a world without said stash of candy or cheese or "nice" notebooks and "nice" pens or Toy Story stickers or this hand sewing project? Or, has my obsessive awareness of my own mortality somehow twisted itself around into saving up for the good times instead of having the good times?

I found myself thinking the other day "oh no, you can't submit that story because it's a special one and that will be one less special one to put on your own blog." To say that I find this statement irrational is an understatement. It's not like my stories will cease to exist like the end of a hunk of cheese, barring some horrific accident. My stories don't cost me money and they don't make me fat. In fact, if I made an effort and wrote more, I'd have a somewhat endless supply of writing and the reserve-stock of best-stories would become greater in number because I would become a better writer.

So what does this say about me and my ever-present lusting for good foods? Maybe that I really need to savor instead of save-up. So similar and so different. Enjoy the cheese while it's here. Know that Halloween will come again. Save for the big trip, but make allowance for the small expenses of enjoying your real life, in the weeks of here and now. Write. Write to savor. Write to improve. Write to notice the blessings and lessen the pain. And, most of all, savor the writing and share it freely, with love.